An old article from the inimitable George Monbiot, titled We're All Damned. Some choice cuts:
Leviticus leaves little room for doubt. Thou shalt not eat animal fat, or the fruit of a tree you’ve owned for less than five years. Thou shalt not round the corners of your head, or mar the corners of your beard. Thou shalt not touch a woman, or anything she’s sat on, until seven days after her menstruation begins. Thou shalt not put a stumbling block before the blind (which does for anyone parking on the pavement). Thou shalt not trade in freehold: after 50 years, all property must revert to the people it was bought from.*sniff* *sniff* Is someone barbecuing? Oh, I'm sorry - that's my soul. Damn.Leviticus prohibits from officiating in church anyone that hath a blemish, be he lame, crookbackt, with a flat nose, “or any thing superfluous”. Quite what this means is anyone’s guess, but it must certainly cover deaf aids, spectacles, dentures and toupees, thus barring the greater part of the priesthood from its duties.
Of course, one can rely on the traditional New Testament opt-out: Jesus came to fulfill the Mosaic Law, and therefore Leviticus and hyperlinked chapters are irrelevant. So clearly a clever stratagem is to define the "fulfilled law" as whatever bits you don't care to observe (e.g."Rise in the presence of the aged," Lev. 19:32; "The pig is also unclean; although it has a split hoof, it does not chew the cud. You are not to eat their meat or touch their carcasses," Deut. 14:8; "Make tassels on the four corners of the cloak you wear," Deut. 22:12).
The remainder, of course, is lovely for bashing homosexuals. Yee haw!
P.S. The Bible is clear throughout that the problem is man lying with man. Ellen Degeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, and those hot Miller Lite commercials with the chicks wrestling are safe. *whew*
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